


Fueling Doubt

by liddellmisswitch13



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, no beta because i am living in the moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:28:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29142255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liddellmisswitch13/pseuds/liddellmisswitch13
Summary: “When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” —Honore de Balzac
Relationships: Mark "Mute" Chandar/Chul Kyung "Vigil" Hwa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Fueling Doubt

“Well, that was…something.” Harry rubbed his chin, using that brain of his to analyze what had just happened. Team Vigil, having learned somewhat of a lesson from their match with Team Capitao, still suffered at the hands of Team Ash. Their silent leader had almost secured a victory, but a Thermite charge exploding in his face had promptly ended that hope. The metallic alarm, and the voice of their moderator announcing their winners, filled Sam with a sense of disappointment. Chul Kyung was smart, a lethal man who Sam had the honor of mentoring when he had come around Rainbow the last few months. Sam saw potential and appointing him a team captain was a test to see if that potential could be unlocked. However, the results weren’t what Sam hoped for.

Team Vigil left the stadium, Lesion and Alibi wrapping arms around their shoulders in good spirits and giving each other props for a good attempt. Their leader was at the head of the pack, his angry steps moving him further and further from the light of the stadium and into the darkness of the hall. Harry watched as Chul Kyung stormed off, and turned to Sam. “Speak with him, will you? I think a chat with his mentor could give him a sense of urgency for next year.”

A small groan escaped Sam’s lips, and Harry raised a brow. “I don’t do well with this sort of thing.” Sam said, holding his cup of coffee close. “What he needs is a talk, not a lecture. I don’t think I can give him that.”

“Perhaps not, Sam, but maybe hearing it from you will be better than from his doctor.” Harry pat Sam on the shoulder and then left the booth to go and speak with Vicente about his win. Sam sighed tiredly and started down the large corridor towards the locker rooms. The lack of sound down here was unsettling, save for the echoing of Sam’s footsteps, and the chilliness that caused his arthritis to stir. He had watched one of his brightest and most skilled pupils nearly wipe the floor with Team Ash and securing the victory but fell short. The sense of urgency and priority weren’t strong with Chul Kyung, not in this setting. However, on the field, it was as radiant as a beam of sunlight. All that time they spent training, for it to end like that was what upset Sam.

The soldier in him wanted to lecture Chul Kyung for his failure, but that wasn’t what he needed. Throughout the entire prep week, the young man never once acknowledged his status. He deflected and denied, even when his teammates had also said he was capable. This was deeper rooted than Sam could handle.

-

Chul Kyung entered the locker room quietly, despite the simmer rage in his body. It felt like bile, itching, and scratching his throat as it tried to claw its way out of him. _Do something, say something._ He refused. He opened the locker door with his name on it and tore off his helmet, the plastic bouncing off the metal back. His teammates kept their distance, because they knew it would be useless to offer words of encouragement or anything else to him right now.

There was no announcing Sam Fisher as he appeared by Chul Kyung’s side, just the beeping of the card reader and then the draft from the open door. Chul Kyung didn’t look up when he heard Sam speak to him. “That was your last chance to turn this thing around. Team Vigil is out. Want to talk about it?”

Chul Kyung kept his eyes forward, letting his arms free of the super tight velcro straps caked in powder. “We did our best. Team Ash did better.” He threw in one piece of armor, then the other into the locker with a level of frustration that surprised Chul Kyung himself.

Sam raised his brow, watching the younger man aggressively shove his white powdered garments into the locker with understandable frustration. “You were the last man standing. You took out four of the five attackers by yourself—”

“And a Thermite charge brought an end to that.” Chul Kyung felt the anger starting to claw the back of his throat again, but his expertise in controlling his emotions kept it at bay, like a master heeling his hellhound.

“Are you taking this seriously, Vigil?”

“About as seriously as a game of cops and robbers.” Chul Kyung spat. He worked at his chest piece, but the straps and his shaking hands were making it hard to unbuckle. Once he did, he pulled it over his shoulders and tossed it inside, the white powder staining his hands and hair like a cloud of miasma. Again, that anger fought to escape his stomach, but Vigil wouldn’t let it. Small bits of venom escaped in his harsh and bitter words as he responded to Sam and this stupid interrogation. Harry sent him, no doubt.

“Are you sure that’s enough?”

Chul Kyung nearly scoffed. “If I played like it wasn’t a sim, there’d be a lot of blood on my hands. Figured we didn’t need that kind of red tape.” This whole thing was stupid. Playing pretend in an empty stadium, for the pleasure of his bosses to assess their abilities not only as operators, but leaders. His prowess in the heat of battle, the successful missions that Chul Kyung had under his belt should have said enough. Why were they bothering with this show? For the public? Why do they need to know what they’re up to?

Sam saw the frustration just building and building in Chul Kyung’s features that the old man thought this smaller Korean would explode. Sam prompted Chul Kyung further, though. “I know it’s only a game, but it’s as close to real as we can make it. Maybe you can improve your suspension of disbelief a little more next season.”

That statement almost made Chul Kyung laugh—his face did soften into a humorous look, however. “Be careful what you wish for.”

“Why’s that?” Sam asked, taking a quick sip of his personalized coffee mug.

“Improving my suspension of disbelief might result in Mozzie being sent back to Australia in a box.” Chul Kyung, finally free of the gripping armor and the stifling air of his shame and failure, slammed the locker door shut. It reverberated within the room, and he turned to look at Sam, who seemed mildly bewildered by that statement.

“I, uh, I can’t tell if you’re joking.” Sam gave a tired smirk, waiting for some snarky remark or a punch line from his pupil.

“I rest my case.” Chul Kyung said no more, and then left the locker room promptly. No one dared to stand in his way as he strode down the road and back to the base. Team Ash was already celebrating their victory in the cafeteria, laughing and cheering sauntering down the hallway. Chul Kyung wanted nothing more to do with today. He wanted to sink back into his routine, be done with this, and refuse the opportunity to retry that shit show again next year. _No more._

He heard his name being called, rather angrily, which forced Chul Kyung to flee. He didn’t care if it was Grace, Craig, Harry, Sam, or even Mark. He wanted to be alone, he wanted to disappear. Immediately his feet took him to where he wanted to be: the abandoned wooded area behind the base. There was a trail there that led to a small clearing with the most perfect view of the moon at night. When he couldn’t sleep, he’d come here. It was his special spot, something personal and comforting to him. He had brought Mark here once, on a date, and he too was able to appreciate its beauty and comfort.

Slowly, Chul Kyung made his approach towards the clearing and expected Mark or some other creature, but to his surprise, it was empty. No Mark, not even an animal to speak of. However, there was a small bundle on the ground near a patch of grass that slowly bloomed into a speckled garden of wildflowers. He approached it slowly, and then knelt to see what it was.

It was a small cloth bundle, with a note attached to it. Chul Kyung plucked the note from the cloth and unfolded it gently:

_Made your favorite. Come talk to me when you’re ready. I’m always here for you._

  * _C._



Even without initials, Chul Kyung knew who it was by the goofy little Mute symbol next to the signature. Chul Kyung hummed, and unwrapped the bundle to find one strawberry fruit sandwich (cut diagonally), a bottle of strawberry milk and a pack of the pink and white frosted circus animal crackers inside. The sandwich had been made with macha cream, and from the taste of it, it was from scratch. There was the subtle taste of vanilla in the cream, and the milk bread only added to the flavor.

The gesture was enough to quell the anger trying to tear its way out from inside Chul Kyung’s being, and grounded him. While the gentle breeze of the autumn wind blew through his messy, ink colored hair, Chul Kyung sat and ate his sandwich in silence. It was unbelievably delicious, which made it easy for him to polish it off quickly. Chul Kyung shook the bottle of milk before cracking the top and taking small sips from it in intervals. After the milk, Chul Kyung left the cookies for later and tucked them inside his pants pocket.

For a while, Chul Kyung laid back and watched the afternoon turn to twilight, and then greeted the moon as she made her way across the sky. She was full today, and her twinkling servants bid Chul Kyung hello as the sun made way for his beloved. Seeing as he had spent the rest of the day avoiding almost everyone, he thought now would be an okay time to go back. Gathering his trash into the cloth and tying it neatly back together, Chul Kyung plucked a wildflower from the wide array and started back down the path. The woods had grown dark, but nothing his phone flashlight couldn’t fix.

There was a ton of spam messages from Grace, both in his text messages and then his Discord DMs (which Grace made for him; he didn’t want to apart of the stupid server she made for the other operators, but she did it anyway). There were a few from Craig, telling Chul Kyung that he was proud of his effort and that there was always next year, and then of course from Harry, asking to meet with him soon. There was nothing from Mark, but he knew Chul Kyung would find his message. The base had winded down, and the mess left by the winning team was being cleaned up by staff and a few apologetic members of Team Ash.

Chul Kyung’s walk to the R&D department was cut off by Kali, who broke from her group of members, and approached him without hesitation or fear. “What a wonderful display out there,” Kali said, but there wasn’t any sarcasm behind it. Chul Kyung narrowed his eyes a bit and frowned. “You are a capable soldier, Vigil. Not a leader, not in my eyes, but definitely someone I could count on to do the job correctly.” She waited for Chul Kyung to say something, but when he didn’t, she continued. “I share your sentiment about these games—that’s all they are. However, I don’t like to lose. You can understand that, right?”

Chul Kyung looked away, then back at Kali. “You gave me a hard time with that sniper of yours. Last time we had a training sim, Mark got a bruise from how hard those fake bullets hit.”

Kali chuckled. “Nighthaven has to have the best equipment if we want to stay on top.” She crossed her arms, smiling like a fox who has cornered her prey. “Which is why I wanted to speak with you. Someone with your skills and knowledge would benefit from us. We like to keep ourselves cut and clean, no showy heroics. Ace does that for us already. I won’t force you on a pedestal, a meal being offered up to dogs.” She raised a fine brow, clicking her tongue. “And, maybe we can upgrade that ERC-7 of course, make it even more capable for prolong periods?”

Kali never sat right with Chul Kyung. Her people were all business, expect for Aruni. She was too kind to be on a team like that. Ace was a social drone who went crazy without recognition or validation, while Wamai merely remained indifferent to the work he did, so long as he was paid for it. Kali, the head of the viper, cared only about her power and money. A lot of the other operators thought letting private military into Rainbow was a bad move on Harry’s part, but to avoid a potential feud, he had to. Chul Kyung could never see himself working with these people. Not ever. However, that didn’t stop Kali from latching onto those she saw fit for her army. “No thank you.” He said, slowly side stepping to walk around her. “Regardless of these awful games and the showmanship, I have loyalties here.”

The smile on Kali’s face turned into a smirk. “It’s Mute, isn’t it?” She asked. “I know you two are involved. I could find him a place on our base, if you’d like. Perhaps as a tech developer? Keep him safe and sound and away from the violence?”

Chul Kyung was starting to become irritated with her. “Leave us alone.” He said firmly, side stepping to be on his way again.

“I’ll take that as a maybe!” Kali called, then went back to Aruni and Wamai. Chul Kyung ignored her and strode down the hall once again, bundle in hand, until he found Mark’s office space. Chul Kyung rose his hand to knock, but he saw the door was opened just a crack. Mark was expecting him. He slowly entered, being welcomed by the smell of coffee and the sound of crunching wrappers. Mark was at his desk, making a bank shot with his sandwich wrapper into the trash can. It made it in, and Mark went back to his paperwork. The carpet hushed Chul Kyung’s footsteps, making it easier to sneak inside.

To the right of Mark’s desk was an empty chair, and Chul Kyung walked over to sit in it. Taking the flower he had picked before arriving, Chul Kyung set it in the pencil holder. Mark turned his gaze to look at Chul Kyung, those unmistakable dark and tired eyes regarding the Korean with warmth. They exchanged no words, but they knew. Chul Kyung sighed heavily, and Mark reached over to place his hand on Chul Kyung’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. The moment of reprieve was welcomed, and Chul Kyung rested his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder. Mark gave a gentle smile and turned back to his computer to type out a report.

The two sat in silence for a while, with Mark typing on his computer and Chul Kyung watching him. After a while, Chul Kyung reached into his pocket and pulled out the pack of frosted crackers. He popped open the bag and shook it near Mark to take one. These were Mark’s favorite, and they were introduced to Chul Kyung once they started dating. A personal touch to a “feel better” present. Mark reached over to take one but dropped it. “Fuck,” Mark mumbled, quickly leaning over and picking it up to shove in his mouth.

“Really?” Chul Kyung said, finally finding his voice after taking the moment to recharge.

“What? Five second rule.” Mark retorted, snorting as he ate the cracker. Chul Kyung shook his head, allowing a breathy chuckle to escape his lips.

“This floor is unbelievably disgusting.”

“I vacuumed the carpet today. Relax, _nae sarang_.” Mark smiled and pushed up his stupid glasses. Chul Kyung’s heart still skipped a beat every time Mark spoke Korean. He had a small sense of pride in being the one who taught the Englishman his mother tongue. The sense of happiness shifted as Mark’s eyes looked down at Chul Kyung’s still powdered self.

Chul Kyung frowned, his arms crossing over his chest. “Yes, we lost. No, I don’t care.” Mark saved his file, turned off the computer, and turned in his chair to fully face Chul Kyung.

“Liu told me Sam talked to you.”

“Yes, he lectured me and told me to do better. That’s all.” A chilled silence fell over them this time, and Mark tried to tread carefully. Chul Kyung was a fortress when it came to his feelings, but Mark sometimes was able to guide them out steadily.

“Do you think you did alright?”

“About as ‘alright’ as a game of tag could go. It’s—” Chul Kyung let out a small groan, feeling childish for describing it this way, but it was all he had. “It’s all stupid. A waste of time. They know I can do my job, and do it well, why bother?” Mark frowned, putting his hands on Chul Kyung’s shoulders.

“I won’t talk about it anymore, okay?” The silent, but appreciative stare Chul Kyung gave relaxed Mark. His baby wasn’t upset. “Did you like the sandwich I made?”

With the change in topic, Chul Kyung was at ease again. “Yes, the cream was great. Not the shit Grace buys in the plastic cups.” That statement made Mark smile.

“Only the best for you.” The two chuckled, and Chul Kyung leaned in to give Mark a tender kiss on the mouth, cupping his cheek with his hand. Mark closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment, foreheads pressed together lightly.

“Did you have dinner yet?”

“Dinner?” Mark looked at his watch, then hummed. “Oof, it’s late huh?”

Chul Kyung sighed and stood up, holding his hand out to his lover. “Come on, let’s get something to eat. Real food, Mark.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I was sort of a mess when I saw the SI video this morning, and this is what it spawned. I will take any opportunity to write Vigil and VigilMute thank u have a nice day <3
> 
> Yall can reach/talk to me on Twitter @/zydrate_dealer if you want to see my emotional break downs live


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